I wonder if jabbing is one of the most ancient practices in human sociology to have survived till date but it continues to be the most effective/weaponized method of expressing disaffection in affectionate relationships.
It is the land-mine that burns down the bridges of communication. The knife that is sheathed in our hearts, forged in the fires of the insecurities of our loved ones. It isn’t used in a fight to be honest. It is more a tool of conversation that is a placebo for a confrontation where we slyly press the buttons of our loved ones, delighted to see them hemorrhage from a million tiny wounds. Seeing them provoked to react (or as we call it, over-react) is our reward.
Jabbing can take place in the secrecy of your home. For instance when a wife mocks her husband by telling his jokes are never really funny. Or by a boyfriend who reveals to his partner that the gown she wore in a party months past was dirty. Jabbing can take place in public when a friend makes a condescending, casual reference to people who get married “too early”, when the married friend is within ear-shot. Or it could be levelled by a prideful boast of having forgiven you for a sin committed a decade before.
Jabbing is usually personal. However, there are standard boilerplate forms of jabbing as well. Evidence exhibits include “Take a deep breath”, “Sure”, “Whatever helps you sleep at night” or even the one letter “K”. No pair of words has ever had such a devastating oxymoronic effect as the phrase “Calm Down”. Its user knows it won’t really calm the person, and the person who it is directed at knows it is meant to provoke, but they both still fall prey to this millennial trap.
So, I wonder why do we jab? To slice a chunk of flesh when murder is frowned upon by society. Maybe mask our own insecurities, envy. Or score a point in the tennis match of our relationships, not knowing that our increasing point tally is in fact a ticking clock to doomsday. Or is it just a defense mechanism we resort to, to exit a game we have lost, with some face.
For all relationships are a game, a game of shifting power circles, egos and market value. Maybe we consider jab as a move that is allowed by the game but honestly, it isn’t. It is corrosive, unhelpful and self-destructive. But how do you a keep upper hand in this ‘game’ then? For the dominant person in any equation is always the one who hurts the other person more. I don’t know. But what I do know is jabs is a nuclear race. Each party builds an arsenal of missiles to launch at the other when convenient. Nothing will come out of it…except Hiroshima.
